Title: Censored For Security
by music4evah
Summary: A secretive group has risen from among the Cahills... Well, somebody has to put a stop to it.  For Syberian Quest's July prompt of friendship.
1. Chapter 1

_A/N- I do not own anything of The 39 Clues; simply my own ideas._

_Thanks to Amy Cahill, a fellow author, who pushed me to write this as fast as I could. (And I still took forever…)_

* * *

><p>The Cahills are an elusive family by nature, even if most are known all across the globe. There are the artistic creators, such as Jane Austen and Pablo Picasso, known as the Janus. The Ekaterinas, who had brilliant minds and made discoveries like Thomas Edison or Albert Einstein. The remarkable leaders such as Napoleon Bonaparte and Benjamin Franklin were Lucians. The Tomas, the strong and brave in heart, consisted of great adventurers like Meriwether Lewis or William Clark. The Madrigals, the shadiest of the bunch, still left their mark on history, what with Amelia Earhart and Marie Curie.<p>

Yet as famous and well known as many members of this large family are, their true intentions and purposes have remained unknown and hidden to outsiders and the majority of mankind. The reason is a maze of secrets and puzzles that no single person could even hope to unravel in a lifetime— it has taken centuries for the Cahills themselves to come close to doing so.

And they _know_ what the biggest secret is—a secret involving 39 clues.

It is necessary that you realize how protective and wary—not to mention _dangerous_—these people can be. If you understand that the Cahills are not to ever be taken lightly, you can certainly appreciate all the effort it took me to find the information about the simple actions and exchanged words that I am about to reveal to you. Some of the thoughts can only be guessed at, but I would not have included them in this file had I not been 99% sure. It has taken me many interviews, hackings, and uncomfortable situations on my part to uncover everything that happened.

A small and secret organization was discovered between the Cahills. No, they were not the selective Madrigals, and although many might not think of this instance as very extraordinary, it was certainly a matter that two certain people felt must be dealt with as soon as possible…

* * *

><p><strong>-In an undisclosed location-<strong>

Dan paused in what he was about to do. He glanced around the empty room nervously. He was sure no one was there, but he still had the feeling that he was being watched. Slightly annoyed with himself for being so paranoid, he shook the feeling off, and turned back to the keypad in front of him.

Quickly, the numbers 6-2-8-2-5-4-3 were pressed, accompanied by a small bleep each time a button was pushed. He couldn't help grinning as a door slid open to reveal a shiny and very professional looking elevator. Stepping in, he chuckled softly as he thought of how secret-agent-like he felt. His glory was short lived, however, when he saw the second keypad.

Punching in another sequence of numbers, he frowned. Why couldn't 3-2-6-4-3-5-2 have come before 6-2-8-2-5-4-3?

With a sigh, Dan knew he was being childish. But he _was_ still a kid, after all. And besides, the thought kept him distracted from the constant twisting and churning of his insides, which resulted from his nervousness. He suddenly wondered what it looked like. It was probably disgusting and awesome. This thought kept him distracted as well— for about five seconds.

When the elevator doors slid open to reveal a new room, Dan calmed down slightly. Even if someone _had_ been tailing him before, they had to be gone by now. No one could have followed him into the elevator without escaping his notice. But as he stepped out, his nerves rose up again. Why was he so nervous? He was training himself to be a ninja, for Heaven's sake! _He must show no fear…_

Taking a deep breath, Dan took a quick look around the room. There was a lot of fancy furniture, fancy carpeting, fancy walls, fancy windows, fancy food… Fancy everything. Dan couldn't have described it without using the word "fancy" a hundred times if he tried. The color theme seemed to be white, though. And he was just itching to try some of the food laid out, which he had noticed was on a fancy table to the right. However, as cool as this place was, he thought it could do with some awesome posters and expensive video games to liven it up a little.

"You are late."

_Dang it._ That cold, snotty, feminine voice just ruined everything. Okay, so there was no point in wishing she wasn't there, as this was her place. But it still annoyed him. The way she had to say "you are" instead of "you're" was just stupid. Why draw the words out when you could combine them? At least he could take pleasure in the fact that she said the words through clenched teeth, although her ice-cold tone ruined his pleasure.

"Well _excuse_ me," Dan bit back sarcastically. "You don't have an obnoxious older sister and an over protective Au Pair who insist on dragging you _everywhere_ with them, including every stupid library and museum in the world. It took me longer to ditch Amy then I thought, okay?"

The girl huffed and muttered something that sounded suspiciously like "Idiot American imbecile…"

Dan ignored the comment and sat down on one of the ornate couches in the room, opposite of the girl who was glaring at him.

"Should we get started then?" he asked.

"Of course."

"Where's Ian, by the way?"

Natalie rolled her eyes. "At a _Polo _game, if you can believe it."

Dan was confused. "Polo? Is that like Marco Polo? The game you play in the pool?"

"No!" Natalie scoffed. "Polo is… Oh, never mind. _You_ would never understand it."

Dan shrugged. Who cared? It was probably a boring rich person game anyway.

"Let us begin, then," Natalie ordered. "I already have the website all set up. We just need to make the first video. I also have a link to it on various blogs of mine, so my fans should definitely be able to witness it and support us. I even have some emails ready to be sent to those I know who do not follow my blogs."

"Who cares about your mentally ill 'fans'?" Dan snorted. "_I'm_ gonna' email this to everyone I know!"

Natalie narrowed her eyes. "I suggest we just get this over with," she said through clenched teeth. Without waiting for a response, she pulled out a video camera. She turned it on and took off the cap, setting it down on the extravagant coffee table in front of her. Natalie then aimed the camera lens at her face, put on a friendly smile, and pushed the record button.

"Hello, those of you who have found this marvelous video blog of mine!"

"And mine!" Dan put in. He pushed his face into view of the camera, and Natalie recoiled from him. "Although I do admit, it's not very fun to do this with a _Cobra…_"

"My last name is _Kabra_," Natalie corrected, giving Dan a little push, making sure there was room for her beautiful face.

"I know what I said!"

Natalie glared, but then turned back to the camera. "This is my—"

"_Our._"

"Whatever." Natalie rolled her eyes. "This is 'our' first video for my—I mean _our_ blog," Natalie corrected herself after another look from Dan. This was going to be a long process.

"So, once we post the video, you can all laugh with us!"

Natalie raised an eyebrow. "Dan, that will not make sense to the viewers. We need to tell them _why_ they should be laughing."

"Oh. Yeah, that might be a good thing. Well, we are just about to tell you why we are in the same room and trying to accomplish something together! For once!" Dan explained cheerfully.

"Because something terrible has happened," Natalie continued seriously. "Something that not even _I_ could foresee happening!"

"Really disappointing, in fact."

Natalie paused dramatically before continuing. "…Ian and Amy have fallen in love."

Dan gasped. Natalie made a face. "What was _that_ for?"

"Hello! This act is practically a crime! It's terrible, remember? Hence, the gasp!"

"… I suppose you have a point. But anyway," Natalie continued, suppressing a shudder, "Ian, my older brother, and Amy, _his_ older sister, have fallen in love, and we need to stop this."

"Or at least try to make them look like idiots," Dan added.

"So we need your help," Natalie explained. "We need more ideas to make fun of Ian, Amy, and their pathetic romance, which has been ridiculously small so far. You would think Ian would do _something_ more to ensure her affections for him…"

"Well let's be glad he's not," Dan said, "or we'd be in more trouble than before."

"I know that!" Natalie glared again before turning back to the camera. "Please, comment on our blog, and suggest ways to make fun of them and stop them from getting any friendlier with each other. Eventually, either Ian, Amy, or both will see it, and hopefully, they will be shamed into hating each other as before."

"I've already got some ideas," Dan put in. "We really just need some support."

"And with that," Natalie concluded sweetly, "please comment! Goodbye." She pressed another button, and the camera stopped recording. She and Dan reviewed the video quickly to make sure it was all right to post. Once it was posted, Natalie started pushing Dan towards the elevator.

"Out. Now."

"Ouch! I'm going, I'm going! It's not like I want to be here any longer than I have to, anyway."

"Then leave! I'll call you about the results we get, and then we can set up a time to reply."

"Can't wait," Dan said sarcastically before leaving as fast as he could. Neither wanted to be in the other's presence longer than necessary.

* * *

><p><em>Notes:<em>

_No, I am not against Ian/Amy. In fact, I kind of really love it. But who can resist poking fun at people? _

_Now, you silly little readers with small brain capacities are probably thinking that you can comment on their blog with your stupid little chat speak that no one can understand._

_Don't._

_You will be responded to with {possibly} harsh words and evil glares, and if I'm feeling tired enough, I will include pointless threats from Natalie's fictional dart gun that can't hurt you at all. Especially if you accuse me of doing anything romantic between her and Dan. Notice the genre? Yeah, FRIENDSHIP. Also the monthly prompt from Syberian Quest.  
><em>

_Happy 4th of July to those in America!  
><em>


	2. Chapter 2

_Thanks for all those who pointed out mistakes. (: Please excuse me for not having a beta, and for updating so late in the month. I was gone for two weeks with no opportunity to write. I hope none of you have been very impatient. But at least I actually have a plot figured out, and I can let you know that there are going to be three more chapters. Wasn't that exciting to learn?_

* * *

><p>The darkly clothed figure crept stealthily along the dim corridor. Flickering torches cast strange shadows against the wall. Moonlight created twisting designs on the stone floor as it shone past towering trees and through elegantly carved windows. It was a dark night that promised a storm, but the individual paid no attention to that. He had one mission to accomplish here, and he was going to do it right. Nothing could bring him down now that he was so close to his goal.<p>

Dan was completely wrapped up in the intense theme music and blood on the castle walls as he carefully navigated his ninja avatar across the television's screen. He had just successfully defeated a long series of low level monsters. Many would have succumbed to the fear of so many adversaries charging seemingly at random and all at once, but not Dan. He recognized the pattern easily and knew that this was only the beginning of the end. This. . . was _level 57._

Oh, what hardships and trials Dan had endured to reach this moment of triumph! (Namely, his bedtime.) It had taken all his wits and concentration to pass from one level to the next. Patience, courage, wisdom, and awesome ninja stunts had all aided him equally. Now, he knew he was at the most perilous and imperative part of his journey to become the ultimate ninja master.

It was time to face the Big Boss of the Bad Guys. This last epic duel for light and general cool stuff would be difficult, but the risks would be well worth it.

Dan held his breath as the theme music came to its peak. This was it— his last challenge. The final stand. It was all or nothing. The screen began to darken as he passed beneath an arch to enter into a new room. . .

"DAN! Would you answer the phone already?"

_Dang it._

He suddenly became aware of an obnoxious ringing sound and an even more obnoxious older sister shouting from the other room. Sighing, Dan pressed the pause button on his game console. "Why can't _you_?" he hollered back.

"I'm _busy_!" was Amy's tart reply.

Dan rolled his eyes and grumbled as he stood up to answer the phone over in the kitchen. _"What?"_

"Oh, thank goodness _you_ picked up. That simplifies things." The speaker had a British accent. Great. "We have an issue."

"Come on," Dan whispered viciously into the phone as he began walking back towards the couch. "Couldn't you have waited ten minutes? Look, I'm about to beat the last level of-"

"This is _important_, Daniel," Natalie interrupted. "It's about the project."

"What, did Ian find it already and get you grounded?" He plopped back down into his seat and made a mocking pouty face that he knew would have set her nose wrinkling. "Oh, _boo-hoo_. Poor Natawie! She's gwound-"

"Shut. Up," Natalie snarled through clenched teeth. "Just get over here. Now." _Click._

Dan sighed and tossed the phone lightly onto the cushion beside him. He should probably do what Natalie said. But glancing down at his game console, he shrugged and was ready to return to his game. The blog could wait a little while, and this would only take him a few minutes, after all. . .

"Who was that?"

Amy stood in the doorway, panting slightly. "Was it for me? I-"

"It was just. . . a friend." Dan shrugged. _Yeah, right._

". . . Oh." Amy looked almost disappointed. "What did they want?"

"Um. . ." Well, at least he could get away from Amy without her suspecting anything. His last battle was just going to have to wait, or he would seem suspicious. "They wanted to hang out. I was just gonna' go over to their place. . ."

Amy nodded absent mindedly. "Okay. Just be home by six. We're having dinner then." She left, and with a reluctant sigh, Dan turned off his beloved video game.

* * *

><p>[Censored] was one of the grandest buildings in [censored]. Furnished with the finest [censored] to be found, the [censored] were a view to behold. The [censored] were decorated with exotic [censored], the [censored] dotted with amazing [censored], and the [censored] was elegant and shone with perfection. It was expected of the Kabras, of course, but few could help feeling a little jealous when they saw it. Barely anyone ever had the privilege to enter, however. All in all, it was safe to say that [censored] was not only mysterious, but intimidating. Some viewed it as a thrill, others as a threat, very similar to the family who owned it.<p>

Natalie was pacing when Dan entered the room they had occupied only a week before. She only stopped and turned to him when he plopped down on the couch.

"So, did we get a lot of comments?" he asked.

"Yes," she said slowly. "Most of them asked one of two questions."

"Let me guess." Dan grinned. "Why is Dan, the coolest ninja in the world, hanging around with a dweeb like her? Or maybe, when can we see those two weirdoes break up?"

Natalie's face nearly twisted into a disgusted snarl, but she held back the impulse. "No. _Think_ for a moment, Daniel." She began pacing again. "Who are the ones viewing this blog?"

"Um. . ."

"It was a rhetorical question," she snapped. "And the answer is either _my_ acquaintances or _your_ acquaintances. Mine are most likely familiar with Ian, as he is my brother. Yours are most likely familiar with Amy, your sister." She turned to him again with a cold stare. "Are you connecting the dots?"

Dan blinked. "Um. So they know who we're talking about. That's a good thing, right?"

"No, you idiot!" Natalie threw her hands up in the air in frustration. "Half of them don't know who Ian is, and the others don't recognize Amy."

"_Oh._"

She nodded, satisfied that he now saw their dilemma. "I should have seen this coming."

"No kidding!" Dan snorted. "Honestly, you always brag about being so smart. . ."

"I do _not_! Do you ever hear me claiming to be some filthy Ekaterina?" She glared. "No, no you do not." She let out a quick breath through her nose. "The point is that we need to introduce our siblings to our audience."

Dan nodded slowly, thinking about it for a moment. "You know, I think I have the perfect way to do that."

"Our deepest, most sincere apologies," Natalie said to the camera graciously.

Dan let out a laugh. "Well, at least one of us can say that honestly. She's never felt bad for anyone but herself in her life!"

Natalie sent him a cutting glare. "Shut up," she hissed. Turning back to the camera, she smiled winningly. "Daniel here failed to recognize that half of you do not know Amy, and the rest of you do not know Ian."

"Stop calling me Daniel. You're making me sound like a pompous git. Ow!"

"As I was saying," Natalie continued, "we now plan to introduce to you our. . . 'dear' siblings." At a sign from Natalie, Dan held up a picture for the camera to view. It was a stunning portrait that had obviously been taken professionally. "This is Ian Kabra," she said, "my elder brother who has fallen far and surprisingly fast in the past few months."

"He's a two-timing jerk who can't stand anything bought for less than a hundred bucks," Dan supplied. "He hates dogs, cats, and people."

"And the reason he is beginning to slip?" Natalie cut in. "_His_ sister."

Dan held up another picture, this one of a monkey which Nellie Gomez happened to use on her Cliqueme account. "This is my big sister Amy. She's lame. And I think she's secretly an alien."

"She's frighteningly poor and _never_ wears _anything_ in style." Natalie shuddered. "She is certainly not worthy of attention from a Kabra, even one such as Ian." She stopped suddenly, having glimpsed the photo of the monkey. "What is that?"

"It's the most accurate picture of Amy I could find," Dan said.

She raised an eyebrow. "Well, you have a point. . . Do you have a school picture of her?"

"Doesn't Ian?"

Natalie blinked. "Amazing. Another intelligent thought." She stood up from her seat on the couch. "Let's go look in his room for one. He isn't here at the moment."

Dan eagerly agreed, and with the camera, they soon made their way to Ian's spacious room.

"Hold this," Natalie commanded, dumping the video camera into Dan's hands. He shrugged and obeyed as she turned to shift through the items in Ian's dresser. "He's got to have a picture of her somewhere," she muttered.

"It's probably under his pillow." He swung the camera towards the queen-sized bed. "Oh. Pillows. Plural."

Natalie looked up. "Well, cliché as the notion is, I suppose it wouldn't hurt to check." She walked over and stared at the pillows for a moment.

". . . What are you waiting for?" Dan asked.

"I'm trying to remember the order of the pillows_. Obviously_. If even one is out of place, Ian could find out and realize what we're up to."

Dan waved a hand dismissively. "Come on! I've got photographic memory. Stupid to waste it on pillows, but I can tell you what order it goes in."

She nodded and then began shifting through the pillows carefully. How many times did the maids come in to make his bed, though? Wouldn't they have found the picture before? Then again, that would only be if the bed was messy enough to have to move all of the pillows in the first place. Or maybe they just did that anyway. Natalie felt sillier and sillier with every pillow she moved. "I don't think he has it under here," she said.

"Come on, where else would he put it?" Dan asked.

"Well, he would have to put it somewhere well hidden," she mused, a red silk cushion still clutched between her fingers. "Servants come regularly to keep our rooms tidied up. They are very thorough, so he must be as well."

"Dang, I wish _I_ had people come clean my room for me. Then Amy might get off my back."

Natalie tossed the pillow she was holding back onto the bed. "We need to look for a clever hiding place."

"Under the bed!" he cried, immediately dropping to the floor to look.

"The camera!" She snatched it from his hands. "This is an expensive piece of equipment, Daniel. You cannot just play around with it!"

"I wasn't!" he protested. "I was looking under the bed for a picture of Amy."

"Oh, like he would really-"

"_Aha_! I found it!"

Natalie's mouth fell open. Triumphantly, Dan held up Amy's latest school picture. Her hair was riddled with split ends, her sweater washed out her face, and there was a disturbing zit on her chin. Basically, she looked better than usual. But _under his bed?_ Why would Ian ever put it there?

"I can't believe he actually has a photo of her. That's so creepy! He's, like, a stalker. Dude, I bet Amy has a picture of him, too! _Gross_! Man, we need to get evidence of that-"

"It was really under his bed?" Natalie asked slowly.

Dan blinked. "Yeah."

She stared at the photo for a moment. "That's. . . odd."

"Uh, yeah, I just said that. What else were we going to talk about, anyway?"

Natalie shook herself and focused on the matter at hand again. "Why Ian and Amy are so completely terrible together." She turned the camera so that she and Dan were both visible again. "First, they are in different social classes. That is just _wrong._"

"Not to mention the fact that he's tried to kill us a few times."

"He doesn't mean that," Natalie said quickly. "He hasn't literally tried to kill them. . ."

It took Dan a moment, but then he understood. "Right! Right, he was just. . . trying to steal our lunch money. Yeah."

Natalie nearly face palmed herself. "_Anyway._ The point is Ian has been raised to be above the general population of the world. If he associates with Amy in this way, much more than his reputation will be at stake. _My_ reputation is at stake simply from being in the same room with Amy and Dan."

"Besides, Ian's a jerk," Dan pointed out. "I don't want Amy turning into a pompous git. _Ow_!"

"Can you see now why this is such a catastrophe?" Natalie asked seriously. "Please, do what you can to shun our siblings and keep them from ruining our lives."

"And may the force be with you!" Dan cried.

Natalie stared at him.

"What? It seemed like the appropriate thing to say in such a dramatic moment. . ."

Natalie slowly let out a breath. "No, it really wasn't."

"Come on, it totally was!"

"We're done with this video!" she said through clenched teeth. Her smile was obviously forced. "_Good-bye._" She ended the recording and turned to Dan with a scathing glare. "Would you stop being such an idiot?"

"Hey, I'm not-"

"Yes, you are. This is serious, Daniel."

". . . Well, you've got to admit that the monkey picture was pretty funny." He cracked a smile and held the photograph up for her to see.

The corner of Natalie's mouth twitched into a near-smile. "It does kind of look like her, actually. . ."

Dan chuckled. "I know, right?"

"And the real picture of her isn't much better. Really, couldn't the photographers have at least patched up the zit?"

"Nah, Aunt Beatrice wouldn't pay for the premium package."

Natalie looked at the picture with renewed disgust. "That is just _pathetic_. . ."

Dan shrugged. "Not like I care. Anyway, I've got a video game I need to finish up, so unless there's something else we have to do. . ." He started heading for the door.

"We should probably decide what to do in the next video, actually," Natalie suggested.

"Easy! I came up with an idea a couple days ago," Dan said. "We can each tell an embarrassing story about them. That will start to gross them out a bit."

Natalie nodded. "Good. I have a plan for the video we do after that, as well. Let's meet again in three days. Be ready to share a story about Amy by then."

"Done." Dan grinned and rubbed his hands together. "The hardest part will be picking just one story. . ."


	3. Chapter 3

"And then…" Natalie couldn't stifle a giggle.

"What?" Dan asked eagerly. "What did he do?"

"It was the most _embarrassing_ thing!" Chuckling, she leaned in a little closer and lowered her voice. Dan was on the edge of his seat, ready to hear and scorn.

"... _He used the wrong fork._" Sitting back again, Natalie smiled smugly at Ian's foolishness.

Dan blinked. "… He… used the wrong fork? _What_?"

"He used the one meant for the _main dish_ for the _salad_! Can you believe it? In front of the Queen of England! Our parents were mortified, or course. They had to send a servant around the table immediately to—"

Dan held up his hands."Wait, wait, _wait._"

"You just interrupted me!" Natalie frowned. "How rude."

"Oh, I'm _so sorry_." He rolled his eyes. "But that's not embarrassing!"

"Yes, it is. I told you, it was in front of royalty!"

"Yeah, but is Amy going to be disgusted with Ian because of a stupid, pish-posh rich person mistake? She doesn't care about using the right fork—we don't even have different kinds! Seriously, something embarrassing would be the time that Ian was running away from Alistair's dog and it took a bite out of his pants. Did you _see_ his underwear? Ha! Even Amy couldn't keep a smile off her face!"

Natalie smiled a bit at the memory, but crossed her arms. "Yes, but what good does telling _that_ story do? It may remind Amy of a very undignified moment in his life, but if it didn't drive her off before, then we need something different to push her away now."

Dan shrugged. "I guess you have a point. But still, that was really funny. Pink dollar signs… _Pink._ Ha!" He grinned.

"Well, do you have any other suggestions?" Natalie asked, still a little miffed.

"Hey, I'm not the one who lives with him. Does he have any weird habits, do anything stupid, talk in his sleep?" He crossed his fingers. "_Please_ tell me the last one is a yes, too…"

"Oh, you expect me to whip out another story just like that, do you?" She crossed her arms. "It isn't easy to think of just the right story to tell."

"Obviously…"

"Hey!"

"What? I told you the idea was stupid, anyway!"

"No, you just said it wasn't embarrassing enough."

"Same diff!"

"No, the difference is _not_ the same, and you know it, Daniel Cahill!"

"Ooh, going to the full name now, are you? I'm _so _scared!"

"Shut up, I wasn't _trying_ to scare you. I'm angry!"

Dan rolled his eyes. "Girls. They get riled up over the silliest things."

Natalie narrowed her eyes. "This _girl_ can—" She remembered that they were recording this. She finished her sentence anyway. "This _girl_ can kick your butt and send you home crying. That is, if I don't want to go to the trouble of cleaning up the mess your blood will make."

Dan remembered certain events pertaining to the Clue Hunt and gulped. "Okay, okay, let's just… we'll think of something else that's embarrassing about Ian."

"We're not here to just sit around and think."

"So let's not sit around." He stood up. "If we can't think of something embarrassing, we'll _find_ something embarrassing."

Natalie sighed. "Fine, we'll go to Ian's room. Again."

* * *

><p>"Why do you keep looking over your shoulder? We're the only ones in here," Dan said. "Come on, you said Ian was gone."<p>

"He is." Natalie clenched her teeth as she turned back to Ian's desk. "But you never know when he could get back. And who knows what _you_ might muck up spontaneously."

"Hey!" Dan crossed his arms defiantly. "I take offense to that. Whoa!" He reached out for something to grab onto as he suddenly lost his balance and fell to the floor.

Natalie groaned. "Quit messing around, Dan! Get back up and keep that camera steady. I told you, it's expensive."

Dan muttered angrily under his breath as he dusted himself off and stood up again. Natalie seemed especially grumpy today. What was up with her? He was only doing his part to keep his sister from marrying that stupid cobra creep someday, and it was completely beneficial to her! There was no reason to be so snappy…

Natalie shut the drawer that she had been carefully searching through. "There's nothing of interest in here."

"Well, Ian's not an interesting guy."

"True." She gave the room a once-over and sat down in the chair at his desk. "Why are we coming up with so many dead ends?"

He shrugged. "I dunno'. What do you usually do when you're looking for blackmail?"

"I turn to the internet." She glanced at Ian's laptop sitting on the desk and froze. "… Wait. That gives me an idea."

"You mean the internet?"

"No, I mean Ian's laptop. That happens to be where he keeps his _personal files_ that he thinks I don't know about."

Dan grinned. "You mean his diary."

"Exactly."

"Wait, but he's a Luc—I mean, a Kabra. He's not going to just leave his diary out in the open."

Natalie pulled a flash-drive out of her designer label purse. "That's why I know how to hack things, Daniel." She rolled her eyes. "Obviously."

"Sweet! Man, annoying as you can be, you sure have your uses sometimes."

"I'll pretend you only complimented me about how indispensible I am to society, and not anything degrading in the slightest."

"It's good to have a dream."

"That's all you ever have, isn't it?"

"Hey, you're supposed to be hacking, not tossing back witty remarks."

"I'm already into his journal, Daniel."

He rushed forward to look at the screen. "What? Dang, you're good."

"Thank you. Finally, closer to the praise I truly deserve."

"Hey, don't let your head get too big. You know that I go right back to hating you after we've ruined our siblings lives, don't you?"

"Of course; the feeling is mutual, after all." Natalie laughed. "You didn't think I _wanted_ to spend time with you, did you?"

Dan laughed, too. "No way! That would be _ridiculous_."

* * *

><p>It is now, with a sense of regret, time that I must intervene with our story for a moment. While I hate to disrupt the events in motion, it is necessary that the reader not be confused nor foolishly convinced by what is not present.<p>

There is an important aspect of life that should be considered in the choices that are to be made: motivation. It is natural for everyone to want for something, however trifle or grand it may be. However badly they may long for these things are another matter. It is this interaction of wants and needs and their scale of importance that creates the conflicts there are in the world today, both large and small.

An excellent example of this is Dan and Natalie and their 'relationship'. Typically, they really do hate each other and me as well. But they have had common goals before, and a common goal they share in this story. Obviously they absolutely detest the idea of their siblings dating each other. Therefore, in their own interests, they have opted to work together to get what they want.

Throughout history and all sorts of stories, however, two unlikely characters have been thrown together in such a fashion. But when at first sharing mutual hate, these people begin to change.

This happens to be one of my most favorite things in the world, and something that I absolutely love to manipulate; _character development._ With the right sequence of events, anyone can change in the most absurd fashion, doing something at the end of a tale which at the beginning would have been considered completely out of context. The change happens slowly, of course—silly to think that Dan and Natalie could change over-night.

At this point in the story they have been working together for several weeks towards their siblings' ultimate destruction. I have not been able to hear every conversation and see every gesture, but rest assured, I am presenting to you the most necessary occurrences for you to understand the beautiful and delicate matter of their character development.

However, while you think they may be able to change just enough to get along and create the simplest form of friendship imaginable—which may be true—don't get your hopes up. If you are even in the position to read this file, you _know_ how temperamental and dangerous Cahills can be.

* * *

><p>Natalie began to read a journal entry out loud.<p>

"'[Censored]'. This was only yesterday." She glanced up at Dan, who was looking at the screen intently.

This is what it said:

_It seems that it is still necessary for me to keep my secrets until there are no secrets worth keeping. It is frustrating; there aren't many ways to gain one's trust once it has been lost. And once it is back, when it seems to be slipping away again… _

_Not that I'm worried about anyone trusting me. Those who do are beneficial. Those who don't are probably close family relations._

_My days lately have been full of everything. Remodeling is a very tedious business, but must be dealt with nonetheless. Every little thing must be paid attention to—there is no telling what abominations could be left if things were done casually and with a dismissive wave of the hand to just 'get it done'. I've always believed that if you want something done right you must do it yourself._

_Also, a note to myself: I must make sure that the bathrooms' new furnishings coexist with their adjacent surroundings._

Dan made a face. "He uses too many big words. What did he say?"

Natalie rolled her eyes. "Well, in the first paragraph, he was _obviously_ talking about Amy."

"What about the first _sentence_?"

She sighed. This was going to take a while. "I believe he is saying that he has secrets from Amy that he doesn't want to keep anymore, but he can't let her know or she'll dump him in a heartbeat. His solution is to get rid of them somehow, it seems."

"And the trust bit is about Amy?"

"Clearly; he's let her down before. If she's smarter than you, and it's hard to imagine anyone more stupid than you, then she must be somewhat apprehensive about being in a relationship with Ian."

"Hey, I got an A in my last math midterm report! That's, like, top of the class."

Natalie continued scanning the words and ignored Dan's remark. "He's obviously worried about Amy trusting him. No wonder he's been remodeling so much! I thought that was just for his birthday."

Dan scratched his head. "Why is he remodeling?"

"Because Amy isn't rich and will think his rooms look ridiculous."

"Well, they kind of do…"

"Exactly. And I know exactly where we can go to find something embarrassing."

He looked at the screen again and grinned. "The bathroom?"

She nodded. "The bathroom."

* * *

><p>"Dude, <em>I<em> want a big screen TV in _my_ bathroom."

"And a refrigerator too, I suppose? Then you would never leave and the world would be safe from ninjas evermore."

"Oh, I would totally have to get a whole Xbox station set up, too," he listed. "Then a soda fountain, oh, a _chocolate_ fountain, and—"

Natalie dragged him away from the big screen. "Just shut up, Daniel. This is no time for daydreaming. If he is currently so concerned about making his _bathroom_ look good for Amy, there must be something in here that he wants to keep from her. And that is just what we are going to reveal."

Dan reluctantly turned to the counter. "Fine, let's just get this over with. It smells weird in here."

She sniffed the air quizzically. "No it doesn't."

"Oh. Then maybe it's you."

"That is _it,_ Daniel, I am going to—!"

"Kill me?" He avoided her grasping hands. "But I'm holding your _precious_ camera. And I would hate to accidentally destroy that while I'm trying to save my life." He held it over the sink tauntingly.

"Don't!" She reached for it.

He laughed. "Well then, don't kill me."

"I don't even _need_ you," she fumed.

"Then why am I here?"

"Because it's slightly more convenient to find out things about Amy that way. Honestly, it would probably be easier to make the videos myself and just rely on you for information through a video chat."

Dan set his jaw. "Liar. You need my awesome ninja skills."

Natalie made a face. "I do _not_."

"You do, too! Say you do, or you'll never see this camera again."

"Ha!" Natalie crossed her arms. "You're joking."

"Oh really?" He grinned mischievously. "Try me."

They glared at each other, neither willing to admit defeat. Dan raised an eyebrow, silently asking if she would seriously risk their entire operation over this. Natalie gritted her teeth, adamant that she would never stoop so low.

"Come on. Just say it."

"No."

"Say it."

"Fine. _It._"

"No, I mean say that you need my awesome ninja skills!"

"You need my awesome ninja skills."

"No, no! Say 'I need your awesome ninja skills'."

"Thank you for recognizing that, Daniel. Now let's move on." And she turned to start looking through a drawer.

"What? No, that's not what I meant!" He groaned in frustration.

She didn't look up. "Stop moaning, will you? We've wasted enough time already. Start looking or we'll never be out of here before Ian returns."

Grumbling, Dan obeyed. She was right—they _had_ wasted a lot of time. And the sooner they found something good, he reasoned, the sooner Amy would stop being an idiot.

The bathroom was big, that was for sure. If Ian had been so concerned about it, there must have either been one really embarrassing thing or a lot of less embarrassing things. If the latter were the case, he had certainly done an excellent job in wiping them out already. It was so tedious (and a bit disgusting) to be going through all of Ian's personal items.

Actually, what Dan found most disgusting was just how many personal items Ian had. All _he_ needed was a little bit of soap every now and then and a toothbrush that was decent enough so that Amy wouldn't complain about his 'utter and total lack of hygiene.' He certainly didn't need—oh, what was _this_?

"Hey, Natalie." He gestured her over. "Look at this." He held out the cosmetic for her to see. It seemed to be cologne, but Dan had never really seen cologne before, so he wasn't sure.

Natalie came over to see, and then grabbed the product. "No way," she breathed.

"What?" Dan asked. "What is it? Is it cologne? Is it embarrassing?"

"I can't believe it!" Natalie laughed. "We've got him! Oh, this is brilliant. Truly _brilliant_."

Dan sighed impatiently. "Would you just tell me what it is already?"

Natalie looked up. "Oh, right. You see, Ian usually uses a product that smells of cloves. You're aware of that, aren't you?"

He wrinkled his nose. "Yeah, I think I've heard Amy go on about that once or twice before."

"Well apparently he's been trying something else lately." She held up the evidence and smirked. "I think I know why, too. A while ago, perhaps a month or so, I noticed that he was very fidgety. It makes sense now. He might have developed an allergic reaction to his cologne or deodorant, and decided to replace them with this. Go ahead and take a nice, long shot of that with the camera."

Dan obeyed and took a closer look at the label himself. He read it again to make sure he hadn't made a mistake—and then again for the sheer joy of reading such a ridiculous name for a scent. He doubled over in laughter, fighting for breath.

"Oh, that's _priceless_!" he crowed. "Is he wearing that right now? Haha, I wonder what Amy thinks about it. Ha, she probably thinks it smells so romantic, but wait till she sees what it's called! HA!"

Natalie was shaking her head and smiling down at the little container which carried their triumph; a scented cologne called_ Twilight Memories_.

Chuckling, she set it on the counter top. "It's perfect. Now, let's hurry and see if we can find anything else before we leave…"

* * *

><p><em>I know it's been a while. But this chapter gave me a lot of trouble for a bit. Shower Ria (Syberian Quest) with much praises for reading this over about 5 times and giving so me much wonderful advice.(: Oh, and for good measure, go and read all her stories and then review them because they're all amazing and she totally deserves it. (If you can advertise shamelessly, Ria, so can I.)<em>

_Also, I have no idea if "Twilight Memories" is the name of some real scent out there. If it is, and you use it, I repeat, I had no idea, and I don't mean any offense to you. It probably smells wonderful; it's just embarrassing for Ian to be caught with something like that.  
><em>

_~muse  
><em>


	4. Chapter 4

Natalie sighed as she looked at the lists that she and Dan had tried to compile. "Come _on._ This can't be that difficult."

Dan looked up from his upside-down position on the couch. (It was the most horrendous thing Natalie had ever seen. Not only was he ruining an expensive piece of furniture, but his face was growing redder and redder by the minute. How absolutely unrefined.)

"Haven't we come up with plenty for Ian? Oh, hey, you should add Sinead to the list."

She made a face. "She's not much better, but I suppose we could try." After scribbling down the name, she considered the others. "Can't you think of any other boys? I hardly have any written down."

Dan retracted his tongue from its position on his nose to answer. "Hey, I'm trying! It's just that any _decent_ dude wouldn't go on a date with Amy for fifty bucks."

"Then I'll just give them more. That's not an issue, Daniel." She wrinkled her nose. "And how can you say "decent" and "dude" in the same sentence?"

"You just did." He pushed himself up and swung around to put his feet back on the floor.

Inwardly, Natalie let out a sigh of relief.

"But as long as we're considering family," he continued, "we might as well put down Hamilton and Jonah. Those guys are pretty cool."

"I suppose." Natalie set down her pen. "I'm tired of this. Let's just start the show, and if we can think of any more later, fine." She stood up to adjust the camera, whacking Dan's feet from the coffee table so she could pass. "Can you do it without your outline?"

"I don't need an _outline_."

"And I suppose you don't _need_ your fingers either, do you?"

"I do, too! How else could I defeat evil monkey lords?"

Natalie rolled her eyes as she turned back to him. "Perhaps by screaming at them pathetically in your sleep."

He blushed angrily. "Hey, that's personal! The camera's not on, is it?"

"No, and you're lucky it wasn't on when it happened, either. Ruining your life would be so easily enjoyable," she said wistfully.

"I could ruin yours just as easily!" he bit back.

"Oh really?" she challenged.

"… Maybe…"

She nearly laughed, but pushed ahead instead. "All right, let's get started. Ready?"

He blew a raspberry at her. "Yup, now I am!"

Natalie forced herself to just push the record button.

Dan grinned. "Hey guys, what's up?"

"_Outline, Dan_," Natalie said through her smile. "Welcome to the seventh episode of [censored]. We—"

"That sounds so stupid." Dan made a face. "I mean, really. The [censored]? The _[censored]._ The [CENSORED]! You can't even make that sound exciting or intimidating. I told you [censored] would be cooler."

"Shut up! I explained to you in great detail just yesterday why [censored] is obviously better than… _[censored]_." She said his choice with disgust. "Now. We would like to extend an invitation of thanks to all of our viewers who have made this operation so successful."

"_To viewers like you_," Dan mocked.

Natalie looked at the camera as if to say, "Do you see what I have to deal with in order to get my delirious brother away from that disgusting orphan's dreadful sister?" She shook her head. "Ignore him."

"Hey, I was just helping out with your credits like it says on your _precious outline_."

She threw her hands up in the air. "Okay, _what_ is so ridiculous about having an outline?"

Dan looked it over. "Well, come on. It's… it's all… neat and… stuff."

Natalie raised an eyebrow. "And… _stuff_?"

He shrugged. "It's just so planned out. Why not just make it up as we go?"

"Because that's what you always do. Really, we can't just have chaos."

Looking at the outline again, Dan could tell it was the loosest organization that she could allow. At least, it was more casual than the ones she'd presented to him before.

"Face it," Natalie said. "You always need to be criticizing me about something. That's the only reason you have to make a big fuss about the outline."

Dan grinned feebly. "Come on—what would a day be like without making fun of you?"

She shook her head, but granted him a smile. "Just try to direct that energy towards our siblings for a moment, will you? After all, we have a lot to get through today."

Dan had to admit that she was right—she _had_ packed a ridiculous amount of things into her outline this time. "Fine," he said, "but just try to cut some slack, would you?"

Natalie smirked, knowing that she had won this time. "Anyway, as I was saying… Ah, yes. We're also very grateful for all of the comments and advice we have received."

Here Dan jumped in. "Oh, and to clear up any confusion—a_gain_—no, we are not making this up for comedy. We're really trying to destroy our siblings' relationship."

"Nor is it out of petty jealousy," Natalie added. "And we are certainly not dating, and no, we would most definitely _not_ make a cute couple, [censored]." She muttered her supposed friend's name darkly.

"Now that the usual business is over with," Dan continued cheerfully, "let's move onto the fun stuff!" He rubbed his hands together. "This is going to be great…"

* * *

><p>"And that proves reason number thirty-nine to be completely valid," Natalie concluded smugly, setting the watermelon she was holding back down.<p>

"And there you have it!" Dan grinned. "Thirty-nine reasons why Ian and Amy should never go on a date that has anything to do with food, much less a date at all."

"So to fix this impending problem of Ian and Amy dating," Natalie concluded, "we have put together a list of alternate candidates for each to be set up with. It's a simple distraction to make them forget about each other."

"And it's all part of our mega-super-awesome-genius plan," Dan said proudly. "And you guys get to be a part of it!"

Natalie grabbed the lists she and Dan had been working on. "You see, we've come up with a lot of possibilities, but we don't want to go to the trouble of deciding who to set our siblings up with first."

"So we're making you do it."

"On our website there are two new polls so that you can vote for the best—"

"—or worst," Dan threw in.

"—candidate." Natalie refrained from telling him to shut up for the twenty-second time that day, leaving the total tally of her actually having said it at only seventeen.

It was a record day.

"Some may ask if leaving the choice open to public decision is the best choice," Natalie said thoughtfully. "After all, you're practically strangers to at least one of our siblings. You don't know many of their interests, their likes or dislikes… all of that useless and boring information." She sighed. "Who knows if the common consent will be the right thing to do?"

Dan nodded seriously. "That's why we're doing it."

Natalie brightened, finished with being sarcastic for the moment. "We'll introduce them to you now. First, we have the candidates for Amy."

Clearing his throat, Dan spoke in his best announcer's voice. "First up we have [censored]. He enjoys piña coladas and long walks on the beach."

"I hope you realize that he's just making this up," Natalie said disdainfully as she produced a picture.

"That's what makes this fun," he insisted before reverting back to a lower pitch again. "Next is [censored], who goes bungee jumping every weekend."

"You're being ridiculous," Natalie sighed as she held up another photo. "[Censored] would never go bungee jumping."

"Exactly."

Natalie braced herself for the next ridiculous comment as she held up a picture of their third candidate.

"Here we have [censored]. [Censored] is awesome."

After a moment, Natalie blinked. "Is that it?"

"Is what it?" Dan asked.

She furrowed her brow in confusion. "Aren't you going to make up some ridiculous fact about him?"

"Why would I do that? I told you, he's awesome. 'Nuff said."

Natalie shook her head, realizing how pointless her efforts were. "You are _so _bipolar. I should really be used to this by now."

"Yup, you should." Dan grinned triumphantly, already planning what else he could say about their hopeless choices for his even more hopeless sister.

* * *

><p>Natalie set down the last picture of Ian's potential girlfriends with a sigh of relief. "Now that we're finished with <em>that<em> business…"

"Come on, it was just getting fun! I could have done that all day," Dan goaded.

She chose to ignore his pestering with considerable effort. "_Moving. On._" She shifted in her seat to find a more comfortable position. "Now, some of you may be wondering why we want Ian and Amy to find new companions so badly."

"It's really obvious."

"The thing about couples," Natalie explained, "is that they tend to do certain things. Daniel, please show them our first example."

"Would you stop calling me that?" he complained as he reached for their evidence. It was a picture, showing an average red headed girl. She was curled up on a couch, cell phone in hand, and her green eyes seemed mesmerized by the screen. "This is a picture that I managed to get of my sister Amy," Dan said. "She's never really been much of a texter. In fact, she usually gets mad at _me_ for texting too much. And yet here she is… obsessed with some conversation or other."

"It's clear that she must have—wait. Are you sure that's Amy? She looks kind of… weird."

He coughed. "Of course that's Amy. What are you talking about?"

Natalie peered at the poor quality of the photograph. "Her hair looks even worse than usually. It's so ratty, and the color is off."

"So she was having a bad hair day. What's the big deal? The point is that she was freaking out, waiting for a text from Ian."

"She looks like a deer in the headlights…" And then it clicked. "Oh my—please don't tell me you really did what I think you did."

Dan avoided her disgusted gaze and tried to wave the accusation off. "What? I didn't do anything."

"I can't believe you put on a wig and impersonated your sister!"

He let out a huge gasp. "I did no such thing!"

She gave him an exasperated look. "Dan, it's obvious. I thought you said you could get some real evidence!"

"It was harder than I thought, okay? Besides, that picture's not far from the truth. She's on her phone like, 24/7. And if that's not enough, she's on her email a ton now, too."

"Have you ever hacked her email or checked her phone to see if she's really contacting him?"

"Um, well…"

She sighed.

"Hey, it's not my fault! She always deletes her stuff. Besides, they probably use some weird code so that we couldn't tell what they were saying anyway."

"Pathetic." She crumpled up the picture and tossed it away.

"Well, do you have anything better?" Dan challenged.

"Why, yes. Yes I do." She sniffed and crossed her arms. "I have actual facts. Remember when we… ah, went to go visit our _dear_ Uncle Alistair in Korea?"

Dan groaned. "Don't remind me."

"Well I am. No doubt you recall how close those two got. They had their first kiss there."

"Yeah, and then he totally—uh, he, um, dumped her…"

"Who cares how many 'breakups' they've had in the past? The point is, they're together now, and if their relationship is anything like it was before," she prompted.

"Then… they'll be kissing even more." He gagged. "Man, that's just gross! Who'd want to kiss _Amy_? She's like an alien. Blegh!"

"Exactly! The very thought is disgusting."

Dan paused expectantly. "… Aren't you going to exclaim how gross it would be to kiss Ian, or something?"

She blinked. "Why?"

"Well, Amy's my sister, and so I understand how weird and unromantic she is." He shrugged. "Don't you feel the same way about Ian?"

Natalie laughed. "Oh, no. You see, unlike you ugly little orphans, Ian and I are of the upper class. We both strive for excellence in all areas. While Ian could stand improvement in some, such as judgment, he is otherwise in no way 'weird' or 'unromantic'. He can be quite suave when he wants to, and it's no surprise that Amy's so infatuated with him. Any girl would die for a chance to make out with him, I'm sure. What I can't comprehend is why he would choose to do so with _your_ sister."

Dan stared at her. "… You're reasoning is both logical and insulting."

"Thank you. I try."

"That wasn't a compliment."

"The point _is_," she pressed, "is that we must put a stop to all this relationship foolishness before they go too far."

"Whoa, you don't think—?"

"No, Daniel, don't be ridiculous." Natalie rolled her eyes and addressed their audience through the camera. "We've been keeping track of some of our siblings' comings and goings, and some of them definitely match up. No doubt they've been meeting secretly in order to go on a few pathetic dates."

"I bet _that's_ when they kiss!" Dan realized triumphantly.

Natalie suddenly felt that she could relate to poor Irina's twitching eye. "Yes. Very good, Daniel," she said sarcastically. "But it's only a matter of time before Ian and Amy get bolder and determine that it's appropriate to announce their relationship publically, and we all know where that will lead."

"No, don't tell me…," Dan whispered.

"Unfortunately, there's no way around it," Natalie said gravely. "Sooner or later Ian and Amy will force us to endure…" She took a deep breath. "_PDA._"

"No!" Dan wailed, throwing his arms up with despair. "You had to say it. You had to say it!"

"I know, I know." She shook her head. "It's a horrid affair, but every group of people affected by a relationship has to go through it. After all, the people actually in the said relationship tend to completely ignore anyone outside of it until they find a necessary reason to acknowledge them. Therefore they don't comprehend how little we want to see their… affectionate actions."

Dan huffed. "It's so inconsiderate of them."

"And that," Natalie said, focusing again on the camera, "is why we need your support to mercilessly tear these two apart. They must be stopped. Please, dear viewers—you're our only hope."

* * *

><p>This incredibly dangerous account is almost finished, but before it ends there is something that must be understood.<p>

One of the most delightfully ironic components of writing is the use of foreshadowing. This is the process by which certain events are suggested to happen by prior happenings. Foreshadowing is always best when these later circumstances are uncomfortable for whoever may be in them.

Writers use this tool with great vigor and enthusiasm quite often, I find, but that isn't the only place where it may occur. I find that it happens naturally in the world all around us. You may call it a coincidence, fate, destiny, or the ironic nature of a greater power.

I prefer to call it foreshadowing. (It sounds more daunting that way, I think.)

But the point is that I was quite glad to discover how perfectly well certain events in this report were foreshadowed. That is, until it almost got me killed.

* * *

><p>After a moment, Dan blinked. "Did you just quote Star Wars?"<p>

Natalie turned to him, surprised. "What?"

"Star Wars, episode IV. You totally just had a Princess Leia moment there."

"I don't know what you're talking about."

"'_Help me O-Bi-Wan Kenobi… you're my only hope_'," Dan quoted in a ridiculous, high pitched voice. "See? That's exactly how she said it, and then you were like… '_You're our only hope_'." This time the higher pitch was accompanied with an awfully attempted accent.

"… You're ridiculous." And with that Natalie turned off the video camera.

* * *

><p><em>an: Thanks so much for reading this far, guys! I hope none of this has been terribly boring… I'll admit, as fun as this bantering can be to write, sometimes I come down with a serious case of writers block from all the banter. Anyway, huge props to Ria (again) for getting me out of it.(: Seriously, she's so amazing, and this chapter ended up much better because of her fantastic advice._

_And if you're interested in other things that I'm working on right now, you might be pleased to know that I'll probably update _How To Kiss _soon with two or perhaps /gasp maybe even _three_ new drabbles that I'm loving very much._

_Please don't favorite without reviewing—I love to know your thoughts on my writing, guys, especially since I don't have an official beta to let me know how much I fail. Thanks!(:_

_~muse/mona_


	5. Chapter 5

The following are an assorted number of Emails chosen specifically in order to relay an important conversation. They were very difficult to come by, and I would greatly appreciate it if you read them with the utmost gratitude that they can be seen so easily and freely by an individual such as yourself.

* * *

><p><strong>TO: [censored]<strong>

**FROM: [censored]**

**SUBJECT: [censored]**

[censored],

I am sure that you are aware of what is going on and what this means for the world in which we live. This cannot go on any longer. Agreed?

**TO: [censored]**

**FROM: [censored]**

**SUBJECT: Re: [censored]**

. . . Are you saying what I think you're saying? Over Email? _Really?_ If it's so important, why didn't you call me? You said you would last week so we could figure out everything.

**TO: [censored]**

**FROM: [censored]**

**SUBJECT: Re: [censored]**

Oh, so you haven't heard? This link should clear matters up: [censored]

**TO: [censored]**

**FROM: [censored]**

**SUBJECT: Re: [censored]**

I've been sitting here for about twenty minutes already trying to think of how to respond to that. And now, in response to your first Email: yes. I agree. Whole heartedly.

**TO: [censored]**

**FROM: [censored]**

**SUBJECT: Re: [censored]**

Excellent. Meet at the usual location at [censored] so that we may discuss more freely our course of action in detail.

* * *

><p>Dan couldn't stop laughing.<p>

"Now, _that_—," he paused to catch his breath; "—_that_ was truly brilliant. Where do you come up with this stuff, Nat?" He almost gave her a friendly punch on the shoulder, but remembered that she was a girl just in the nick of time.

Natalie flushed with pleasure. "I am amazing, aren't I?" She raised her hand to toss her hair over her shoulder. "Truly gifted."

"This is great! Amy and Ian will have to stop dating for sure!" He rubbed his hands together gleefully. "Just wait until they see—"

The door across the room was opened violently, banging against the wall. It would have rebounded and closed again, such was the force behind it, if Ian Kabra's arm hadn't been in the way. He stood there in the doorway, fuming at his sibling and distant-cousin, while Amy stood just behind his shoulder. She was trying desperately to glare at Natalie and Dan, but she didn't look very intimidating with the way she crossed her arms, chewed her lip, shifted her weight constantly, and let her glance dart to Ian for direction.

Natalie stared at them, shocked, her face paling. Her mouth was open in a very unappealing way which she edited out of the video later. The way she groped uselessly for some coherent words to convey her surprise (or rather, her wish for the lack thereof) was really quite pathetic.

"I told you they would be here," Ian remarked to Amy, lifting his chin triumphantly. "Now we can finally put an end to this madness."

"I thought you said Ian and Amy were getting ready for another secret date!" Dan cried, giving Natalie a betrayed scowl. "We were going to follow them and get more evidence of how disgusting and obvious they are."

"They were _supposed_ to be doing that. How did I know that they would change their plans from some cliché picnic in the park to storming into here?" Natalie huffed, having regained her composure, and turned on the renowned couple with distaste. "What are you two doing here?" she demanded.

"I could ask the same of you," Ian said as he approached them, Amy following with a look that still didn't give off quite the affect which she'd hoped for. "And while we are pointlessly accusing certain people of going on dates, why don't you clear up for Amy and me what exactly you two have been up to for the past few weeks, hm?"

Natalie fumbled for an excuse. "We. . . We were only just—"

"Oh, save it." Ian cut her off with a wave of his hand. "We know what you've been doing in here, and it's absolutely absurd." Amy nodded to show her support, rubbing her arm.

"Oh, come on," Dan said. "Everyone knows that you two have gotten together again, and anyone who doesn't know _that_ knows that it would be a disaster. So really, we're just helping you out."

Amy finally spoke up. "We're not dating, Dan."

"And besides," Natalie threw in, "your personalities and wardrobes don't complement each other at _all._ Stopping this before it gets too far would really be for your own good."

Ian sighed and looked at Amy. "I think you'll have to speak louder if you want their attention at all," he said as Dan and Natalie continued to add excuses. "I mean, have you _seen_ their attention span in their videos? They turn into absolute nutters together."

With a roll of her eyes, Amy strode across the room and pinched Dan's ear. "Enough, already!"

"Ouch!" he hollered, clutching at the side of his head. "What was that for?!"

"Listen," Amy yelled, which was equivalent to normal levels of speaking for everyone else in the room. "Ian and I are not—I repeat, _not_—dating."

All were silent for a moment.

"You mean to say," Natalie said slowly, "that you . . . _aren't_ dating?"

Ian crossed his arms and nodded, beginning to tap his foot impatiently. "Do you really think I would stoop so low, Natalie? I'm not an idiot."

Dan furrowed his brow in confusion. "I don't get it. We had so much evidence. . . ."

"Come on, Dan, would I really run back to a two-faced jerk like _him_ after everything he's done to me?"

Ian flinched at that, but no one really noticed or cared.

"But why did he have a picture of you under his bed?" Dan challenged. "And why have you two been acting so weird—going on secret 'errands' and stuff?"

"Someone obviously planted that photo," Ian said. "But have you ever thought that our 'secret errands' aren't actually a secret? If you had just asked I could have told you that I was only going to places like [censored] and [censored] to do things such as [censored] and [censored]."

"But how do you explain all of your insecurities and renovations?" Natalie narrowed her eyes, unconvinced.

A touch of red seemed to color Ian's cheeks, but it was probably an issue of lighting that the staff had neglected to see too. "I am _not_ insecure, and if I was, it wouldn't be because of her. My furnishings were simply getting out of date and tiresome—a change was needed, and it is an unfortunate coincidence that has you two convinced of it being more significant than it is."

Natalie seemed to deflate a bit. Could she really have misread so many signs? It _was_ unlikely that Ian would start dating Amy in the first place. Maybe there had been a lot of coincidences that had set wild imaginations loose in her mind. And consorting with Dan had been no help—he would believe anything to have the chance to make fun of his sister or a respectful (if a bit dense) person such as her brother.

"So. . . You're not dating?" Dan asked.

Amy sighed. "Haven't we already said that enough? For the last time, Ian and I are. Not. Dating. We never have, and we probably never will. Understood?"

Dan nodded slowly, digesting this unexpected turn of events. Natalie, however, searched their faces carefully before nodding curtly.

"I think they're actually telling the truth."

"Good!" Dan grinned and let out a whoop of victory. "Well, I guess that means we're done here, right?" He stood up, brushing his hands together as if to clean them from a dirty job that was finally finished.

"What a relief," Natalie agreed. "And it also means that I never have to work with you, your stinky feet, _or_ you ridiculous obsession with ninjas ever again." She turned to the camera, flashing it a brilliant and (for once) genuine smile. "Isn't this just smashing?" With a little wave she turned the camera off and then began to gather her things. "It's such a let-up to be done with editing these videos and plotting their demise."

"I know!" Dan blissfully linked his fingers together behind his head, beginning to stroll out of the room beside her. "Man, I could use a break."

"What are you talking about? You've hardly lifted a finger this whole time! Need I remind you who the genius behind this whole enterprise has been?"

"No need; I know how invaluable I am to society and your precious little camera lens."

"Oh, I could go a lifetime without having to hear your voice breaking every other minute, Daniel Cahill. You just never listen when someone who is actually intelligent tells you to shut up!"

"Please, _you're_ the one with an annoying voice. _'If I have to tell you one more time to shut up—'_"

"For the last time, you are _awful _at impersonations, and I really do wish you would shut up."

Dan and Natalie's arguing continued to carry back after they'd left the room. Ian and Amy stood there, trying not to laugh, but rather listening as the bickering faded.

". . . You think we fooled them?" Amy finally ventured once she was sure they were gone.

Ian nodded. "Definitely. They cannot possibly think that you have the capacity to act."

Amy raised an eyebrow. "_I_ can't believe you started using some cologne called _Twilight Memories_. And that you still keep that picture of me under your bed."

"You can't listen to everything those two say," Ian hurriedly supplied. "I mean really, how—"

"I never said it was a bad thing," she interrupted, smiling.

"—Oh." He blinked. "Well, then." He slipped his arms around Amy's waist, now wearing a sly smile of his own. "In that case, I won't worry about changing either of those facts."

"Good," Amy said, wrapping her arms around his neck. "You have worse things to worry about."

His smile faded, replaced by a worried frown. "Have I been doing something wrong? You know I've been trying—"

Amy laughed. "Do you really want to discuss this right now?"

He ducked his head for a moment, letting his smile creep back. "No. You're right." He brushed her lips with his, enjoying their new-found freedom from their siblings' taunting. Happily, and just as relieved, Amy kissed him back.

And it wasn't disgusting at all.

**the end**

* * *

><p><em>I just wanted to say how grateful I am for you all.<em>

_Firstly, Ria—you are just such an amazing friend and inspiration. I am so incredibly glad that I've gotten to know you, and for all the times that you've helped my writing. Best. Twin. Evar.(:_

_I'd also like to thank my incredible readers and reviewers. Every time I look at my stats and see how many different people from so many different countries check up on my stories. . . It amazes me. How lucky am I to have so many people reading my words? I can hardly believe how much you enjoy them, and I'm so grateful to have so much support in something I love to do.(: Thank you for reading! It means a lot. _

_3muse/mona_


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